On God...

I don't go to church. I used to, but I haven't for a few years now. I didn't stop going to church for any particuar reason, my faith in a higher power didn't diminish; I didn't have any sudden lack of belief. Today, my belief in a power greater than myself is stronger than it ever has been. So, how is this the case?

Well, for several reasons, really. I know a lot of people with a higher power. Some call it God, others call it the tree at the end of the garden, still others rely on the fact that the sun rises and sets each day to know that there is a force greater than themselves at work in the universe. For a long time, I hesitated to call mine God. Damn, I'd be in the middle of a church service or a praise evening and still be doubting that there was really any point to all this, or still somewhere believing that I AM the greatest power in the universe!

Note that this is NOT a judgement of those who go to church, in fact it's the opposite. The people I celebrated Sunday mornings (sometimes Saturday evenings) with did so for the right reasons. They had a faith. I had all the 'knowledge' in the world, all the relevant passages down, but none of the willingness to listen. None of the willingness to trust a power greater than myself, and none of the willingness to let go and let a higher power do the guiding.

In stepping back, I became teachable. In being quiet, I was allowed the development of wisdom, courage and - you know it - serenity.

To put this practically, I had to learn the above through patience and growth and guidance. I had to let go of self-centredness and all its cronies - fear, pride, ego. I had to keep the channels of possibility open. This took, and still takes time.

Now, my routine is clear and it doesn't budge (so long as self-will is kept out of the equation). Before my day starts, I meditate on the day ahead and I ask for a safe and a clean day. When it ends, I meditate and express gratitude for the safe and clean day just done, and the opportunities I've had to be useful to anyone in that day.

I look back then, not with regret, but with light-heartedness at my own arrogance. The arrogance I had to think that I am the greatest power in the universe, that I am the one in control! In the first place, I didn't need to believe in God; I just needed to know that I wasn't God.

Someone once said to me that God didn't save me from drowning to kick me to death on the beach. How true. So go forth, embrace life and have a good day!

Even if you believe nothing, you still believe that you believe nothing...but it's definitely worth trying to believe in something.