Hot Child in the City

Ok so more Sleepy Girl in the um Kent Suburbs, but how I do love alluding to classics of the past.

Today was another day. It was tough, it was trying at times, but a day is all it was. And surely each day is a gift.

So, what of the Easter egg emergency? Ahh I'm over it. Somewhat horrified at the disproportionately hideous effect one hollow chocolate egg can have on my psyche, but that's done now. It did, however, provoke some reaching thought around the human psyche at large. And here are today's findings...

I find the transition from work to non-work incredibly strange. In Real Life, I am little more than a child, a kid, someone of infant disposition who messes up and giggles about it and reacts in childish ways. Someone who spends a disproportionate (yes, again) amount of time dancing in front of the mirror and giving herself makeovers and dreaming about what she'll do when she grows up.

Work, in contrast, is a daily performance. I watch myself from the outside, like that 4 year old girl watching cross-legged on the floor as her mother put her heels and pearls on and checks her lipstick, eyeing the slender line of her waist critically before announcing she's ready to go as he sips a single whisky and gets ready to start the car. That mother was my mother, and that girl was me. And, on a daily basis, she still is.

My mother is all grown up now, her shape has changed and the rouge has gone, but still I watch intently. Today, it's me I'm watching. I hear myself say things on a daily basis that mean little to the real me. I consider whether actually said them. Things that have a tiny sort of minor importance in the corporate sense, and I have no idea what they really mean. I catch myself in the reflection of a door at work and I double back, wondering if it really was me I just saw. I eye my waist critically the way she did, I announce to myself that I'll be perfect when I just lose 10lbs, though I know that in reality it's not necessary. I often wonder if she knew that too. I chase perfection the way my mother did, the way I suppose all women did and do and ever shall.

I still can't put lipstick on without accidentally licking it all off before the day starts.

What I have today, that as a child I had no familiarity with, is truth. I have, as previously possibly over-mentioned, a job, a precious education and a very precious Boy. I think I'll always wonder what I'm doing here, but today I have the sphere of truth and love to do it in. And for that, I am extremely grateful.

Truth. Beauty. Love.

Smiles :)